Answering the Tough Questions

 

We knew we would get them, we knew they would come at random times, we knew that no matter how many times we explained it, some wouldn't understand. 

When Ben and I first decide to be foster parents about a year ago, we wanted to make sure that we were able to answer the hard questions ourselves before others started asking them. We wanted to be able to answer them for us... So we knew that our hearts and God's plan were in line together.  After months of sitting, praying, crying, and laughing, we felt that we had the answers we were looking for. We had our answer to any "tough" question that anyone could/would throw at us.

As soon as we made it public knowledge of our family's mission, we were surrounded with support, love and strength of family and friends. Although they had questions and concerns, we instantly felt their support and love.  When they started asking the tough questions that we knew were coming, we felt at ease and ready to answer. Our responses were fluid and we felt confident in our choice.

I was surprised at how many times we would be asked these same questions over the next several months...not from family and friends, but complete strangers or people who barely knew us. It's not like I didn't want to share God's calling for my family or the desperate need our county was in, but I started feeling like our perfect little support system was getting cracked by doubt.  I know that people are curious and may not understand this process, but if felt like our answers to their questions weren't good enough for them. The just didn't UNDERSTAND.

So, to the people who don't understand why we are a Foster Family...

(I promise, these are real questions that we have been asked by others)

"Why don't you just have another baby?"

We are not fostering to make our family bigger, we are fostering to provide a safe place for children to be loved until their family can get the support they need.

But, what was going through my head was...

"Hmmmm, no offense... Been there, done that...twice." 

"But what about your own children, how will they deal with it?" 

What better way to teach them to love all God's children than to show them. 

Our daughter is completely aware (as far as a 5 year old is concerned) what fostering is. She is so happy and excited to be part of God's plan.  Our son, will grow up knowing nothing else. 

"Aren't you busy enough?"

Yes, we are busy. We both work full time and we have two young children. But when God speaks and calls you to be a part of his plan, you jump!  We are still busy, but God has given us peace and comfort that we cling to daily.

"How can you love someone else's child the same way you love yours?" 

There is no greater feeling than being loved like you were created to be loved. This is not a favorites game, this is digging deep and showing love and kindness to God's children who need it most. My children have gone their whole lives knowing that they are loved and wanted. Some children have never felt that. My children know they are safe. Some children never have felt that. 

This is not about loving them equally, it's about loving. Period. 

"Aren't you afraid of what what type of child you will get?" 

Honestly, yes. That was a major question that we faced when we first chose to foster. We have two very young and impressionable children, they needed to be safe. But we also know that this was still not a reason to walk away for our family's calling. We completely rely on God in his plan. He knows the children that will be placed in our home and I will put all my faith in him. 

I have saved the most frequently asked question for last....

"How could you ever give these children back?" 

I understand this question and why people ask it. 

As parents, our worst fear is something happening to our children. We would do anything to protect them. We become this protective force shield that keeps our precious children within our reach. They are OURS. That isn't the case with foster children, they are not ours. Never were to begin with... They have parents and family who feel the same way about them as we do our biological ones. Ideally, they will eventually go back to their parents.  I know this is hard to accept, understand or agree with. The foster care system is designed to help families reunify, not permantly seperate. A foster home should be a safe place for the children to have temporary care, support and love while their parents are getting the help they need. I know that there are many arguments that can branch off from that statement, but that is how it should work in the ideal situation and that could be a completely seperate post ;-) 

But going into foster care knowing in our hearts and minds that our calling was only to foster, helped us keep our hearts and focus on the ultimate goal of reunification.

Adoption is not an option in our family's mission at this point.  Our mission is to hold the children who come into our home and look into their eyes and tell them.... 

"You are wanted, you are safe, you are loved."

• 1 Corinthians 13:13
  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
  
  

  • 1 John 4:8

    Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
    
    

• 
  

Pulling the Weeds

This is the view that the ugly weeds see as I am pulling them out if the ground. They are perfectly happy multiplying in my yard, and making this spotty mess of multi-colored green. I am less than thrilled about the appearance of them. 

The problem with this weed is that it is difficult to see. It entangles and webs and weaves it's way through the healthy beautiful grass around it. It uses the healthy grass as protection and slowly chokes it out until it can take up the space. For weeks I have been driving into our driveway and cringing when I see the lavish and evil weeds that are slowly taking up my once beautiful yard. And for weeks, I pull in the garage and go inside. "Out of sight, out of mind" right? I started making excuses about why they could stay, why we shouldn't do anything about it. "Everyone else in the neighborhood has them, we can't afford to hire someone to kill them, it would take too long to pull them... " the list goes on and on. We even tried to pull them one day... For about 10 minutes....then gave up. I even called a local company, set up a time for them to come assess the job, but canceled the appointment because I knew it was going to end up a financial burden on our family. I had gotten to the point of just accepting these ugly weeds as new members of our family...you know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that no one likes to be around, but there is nothing you can do about them.

Then today, I walk outside and see my sweet patient husband kneeling in the grass pulling the evil things from our grass. Here he is in the middle of this spotted lawn pulling tiny weeds, a job that would take forever. After making sure he knew how LONG it was going to take him, his only comment was "you don't have to pull them." Never once stopping. Of course, I got on my hands and knees and started pulling... Yes, complaining the whole time. Looking up every few minutes and seeing him still pulling and his pile of weeds getting bigger and bigger.

As I was pulling ... And complaining, I realized that this was a lot like my life right now and possibly many others' as well. 

We are all faced with this ugly evil that starts out as a seed that embeds itself into healthy, lush, growing Christian lives, and eventually begins to take over in many different ways. Drama, lies, money, greed, selfishness, hate, etc. We start to notice that these "weeds" are slowly taking over. But we keep pulling in the garage and going inside to continue on with your life, hoping that no one else notices. It is often hard to stop life and pull these "weeds" because it will take too much time, be a  financial burden , or that we don't know what spot to start pulling first.

This past year has been full of so much joy and happiness. We were growing spiritually, emotionally, and four months ago our family grew physically. Our family "lawn" was lush and beautiful. Although it is still lush and beautiful, there are more "weeds" that I have noticed lately. Selfishness, doubt, and worry. 

Being a mom is hard. Being a mom, wife, daughter, granddaughter, friend, teacher, and trying to grow your relationship with our loving God seems impossible sometimes. This is when the "weeds" start webbing their way and starting to choke out the good and healthy.

It wasn't until I saw my husband drop down and start pulling right where he was, grabbing the first weed that he came to. Why shouldn't we do that with our own personal "weeds?"  It doesn't matter where we start, just start pulling. Eventually, your pile of weeds will get bigger and your lawn will be healthier.