Together We Will Rise

My heart aches for those who are still trying to piece their lives back together after hurricane Matthew. We watched the Caribbean get ripped to shreds earlier in the week and continued to watch as the news tallies the bodies of those that were lost.

It is so incredibly hard to process the last 4 days for my family, but I can't begin to imagine the past week for others. Others who lost loved ones, others who have lost their homes, others who have lost EVERYTHING.

I'm writing this after peeling my eyes from social media posts about local friends and family from the US. I'm writing this sitting in my home, with my family, on my computer that has internet. My computer has internet and there are MANY people who don't know if they will have a home to go home to. I am so incredibly thankful for this opportunity to be in my home with my precious family, and I pray constantly for those of you who are still without.

These past four days have been a whirl-wind and still nothing compared to what some are continuing to go through. I share our story because it is one of complete gratitude and thankfulness.

During the evacuation, my CIRCUS of 6 (Plus 2 Furbabies) followed close friends to their family's farm. Our weekend was filled with memories for our family. The children picked cotton, went of nature walks, jumped on hay bales, talked to cows and even jumped in the pool after dinner (mainly because we're ROCK-STAR moms who didn't want to give 6 baths). We spent the storm with precious friends and their parents who opened their home and allowed us a place to sleep, eat and emotionally and mentally rest, The last night of our hurricane party was spent at another gracious friend's house while they were out of town. -  To my friends who loved on us and supported us, thank you for doing "life' together.

 I am so incredibly grateful for the generosity and hospitality shown to my family over the past four days. There are so many ways that we have felt loved and cared for. I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend our time away.

I am also grateful for the all the emergency management professionals who are working nonstop to restore our community and the ones affected, some areas are not so lucky to have emergency support so quickly. I pray for their families as they eagerly wait for them to return home safely.

 I would like to say thank you for everyone who stepped in to support my community and those in others who needed a place to land. Thank you to employees of the grocery stores and local restaurants who opened to help get everyone back on their feet. We couldn't do this without you.

Please remember those who are still in need and please help where you can. Continue to pray for those who are waiting to hear from loved ones and those who have lost them. We are all in this together and TOGETHER WE WILL RISE.

Can't We Just Have A Nice QUIET Family Dinner???

No, the answer is no. The answer is no because there are four children in my house. The answer is no because all four of these beautiful angels have beautifully made lungs and working mouths that make a great amount of noise. Nothing is quiet here. Nothing.  

Tonight in particular was very noisy and not much of a "nice QUIET family dinner."  

It started off like any other night, us rushing home, doing homework, practicing spelling words debating if I was going to bathe the children or which child would get the bath tonight, cooking tacos (because at least one night of the week our children will need to eat something other than PB&J's) and trying to decide what chore I was going to neglect so that I could watch some trash TV once the children went to bed. Who needs folded clothes anyway? 

Tonight was a little different because we had a scheduled visit from one of our team members for our foster agency. She's fantastic and lots of fun to hang out with...plus she's one heck of a rock star when it comes to supporting us. :-) While meeting with her, I realized that I needed to feed the children and decided to go ahead and feed them while we finished up talking... we would join them shortly. 

While she and I finished up our meeting, Ben was in the kitchen dishing out extra helpings of tacos like one only does when your children inhale them faster that you can make them. 

The visit ended and I turned to join my sweet precious children at the table.... to my surprise, the table was clear...with no trace of the taco massacre that was my kitchen 5 minutes before. Everything was quiet. Everything was calm. If you are a parent, you know that is the worst sound if you know your children aren't sleeping. Silence in a house of 4 children can only mean trouble. Silence in a house of 4 children means they were up to something. But I was hungry and tired, I just wanted to sit. 

Ben and I finally sit down tacos in front of us and bow our heads to say grace. Hand in hand he begins.... SMACK! Something slams into the window near our table. Giggles echo from the other rooms. SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!!! Sounds from all around us. More giggles bellow from the hallway and into the living room. Looking around we see Nerf bullets flying around our heads and bouncing off all surfaces. Ben and I look at each other and bow our heads again to finish our prayer. They wouldn't dare aim at us intentionally...right?

 While eating, we hear feet scurry across our floor and heads bob and weave to stay out of sight. Giggles giving away their hiding places as they plan their next move. Whispers between the three as they navigate to better advantage points. As bullets whistled past our ears, and the fact that they were improving in their accuracy... Ben and I knew that we would have to make a move. 

Look at these faces! Don't they project innocence?  Don't be fooled, it's all a lie. The three of them developed a plan to take over the parents tonight. They full on premeditated an ambush. The nerve of these children. 

But man, they are dang cute. 

Ben made the first move and attempted to take the small one as a hostage, as the three bolted the little one got away only because Ben's socks made for poor traction on our floors full of dust. The three retreated into the bedroom not occupied with the remaining air weapons. We quickly gathered all needed supplies to succeed in our mission. I grabbed the biggest, baddest one we had, loaded the bullets as fast a possible while the giggling continued in the other room.  Me, giggling in my head about how we are about to spank their bottoms by giving them a taste of their own medicine. I finished loading my Mack Daddy Nerf and returned to my seat at the table. 

There I was. Sitting with my one taco that I still hadn't eaten, my air weapon of destruction with 20 loaded bullets ready to take out my own flesh and blood and sweet Anna cup just staring at me. I couldn't quite tell if she was pleading me not to attack my children or urging me on. Of course, I decided she was telling me to go for it! That sweet smile didn't fool me, I always knew she was the feisty one. 

The sound of a door opening and more whispers coming from the hallway. I prepared myself. I waited from them to come closer.... but no more sounds. I turned...

and come face to face with the small one. THEY SENT OUT THE SMALL ONE!!! They sacrificed the youngest to test out Mama Bear. I looked into that sweet little face and smiled. That sweet little face smiled back.... then raised his weapon... and pulled the trigger before I could put up my hand.  OH NO HE DIDN'T! 

Thank goodness he is a bad shot when face to face with Mama Bear. He took off running back to his safety.  Not for long... not for long. 

Within seconds the three come rolling out fully loaded and ready for a battle. Little did they know that we were ready and waiting for them. We unleashed without mercy and unloaded every bullet we had. I can't tell you how many foam bullets buzzed passed my face during this long suspenseful battle. Ten minute later, I'm in a corner breathing hard, trying to gather some stray bullets to re-load my gun and as I look up, ALL THREE children are aiming at me. I knew this was my moment, I didn't have many bullets left and knew that I needed to make a move or they would know they won. (One can NEVER allow their children to win a  Nerf battle!) I stood and began firing. I gave my warrior cry and channeled Rambo as I unloaded the remaining bullets from the chamber.  The laughter roaring now in our four walls, children rolling on the floor, my side hurting from laughing so hard, and the smiles on everyone's faces answered my original question.  

There's no way that I would ever trade tonight for the nice, quiet, family dinner I was looking for in the beginning. 

I was looking for the wrong thing tonight. I was looking for the easy night. The one where everyone does what they're supposed to do. The one where everyone is where they're supposed to be. They one that your don't remember in a few days.  

Instead my children organized a way to get our attention. They developed a plan to remind us of the fun and joy that comes with having a family, regardless if there is actually a "family" dinner.  (Everyone in the FAMILY ate...that counts as a "family dinner" right?)

It doesn't matter that we didn't sit together and eat at the same time, it matters that we spent the time together laughing, smiling and playing.  There are many times that I forget how important these things are for our children and for me. Many days, I get through the day by checking things off my list of To-do's and I forget to just stop and enjoy family moments. Tonight taught me to look for these moments and instead of moving on to the next To-do item, jump in on the fun and know that my children will remember these times. 

How Fostering Affects Our Children

It's the moments like today that make me really sit back and embrace God's love and mercy. To truly attempt to comprehend the magnitude of his desire for our hearts.

Our year started out by gathering our two children back into our arms that we had shared with two different children for nearly two years through foster care. We began the year eager to pour everything we had into them; to help them see that they weren't forgotten. That even when our walls were crumbling, we saw them.

Since January, we have worked on healing our family. We have always worried that fostering would affect our children and we have tried to be very mindful of their emotional state. Over the past months we have come to discover that fostering HAS affected our children.

During our placements, we watched them both and tried to be sure they were both feeling loved and supported. We watched as they had to share their belongings, rooms, clothes, and parents. We watched as they were told "Not right now." "I can't." "After I finish helping ___." "I need you to be patient." "we don't have time." The list goes on forever.  We watched them sit quietly during a meltdown of another child, we watched them walk out of the room during a meltdown because it was now a regular occurrence. We watched their confusion when we were sad and heartbroken over news or lack of news. We watched them try to process these emotions and attempted to help guide them. But how do you guide a child when you can't even guide yourself?

I began to pray. I PRAYED. I prayed HARD that God would teach us how to guide them. But I still felt like they were lost and confused.

It wasn't until recently that I learned how fostering really affected our children... and they never will be the same.

This week I saw them welcome a new emergency placement with a hug and a smile. I see them offer their toys to ease the hurt of being bounced around once again. I see them make the beds for these children so they feel welcome and loved. I see them read stories each night before bed. I see them look to them with wonder and amazement as they teach them silly songs while I'm fixing plates for dinner. I see them all snuggle together on the couch during a breathing treatment so that they don't feel left out and I see the them holding hands at the dinner table while praying.

I am seeing all this and learning that during the hard times when I "just couldn't" or "can't right now" God was there holding them and whispering in their ears that "they matter too." That "they are loved too." In the moments of chaos, he was there holding their hand telling them it will pass. In those moments he was teaching them how to love. He was teaching them how to show grace. He was teaching them how to give. He was teaching them how to grow.

I have learned that that foster care does affect who our children become. Our children have had to open their hearts and their lives to strangers and have done so graciously and compassionately. They have learned at a young age about the inequity of life; that things aren't fair and that children sometimes suffer at the hands of others who are suppose to care for them.

They HAVE been affected by being intricately involved in our family's foster care mission. In fact, IT, through God, is shaping who they will one day become.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  - Jeremiah 29:11